The Elf is back!

Sooner than Santa dared to expect, the Elf is back. Santa puts his arm on the Elf’s shoulder and says in a conciliatory tone: Hang on, we started talking about SKUs, not like you to use techno babble, you haven’t gone to the dark side, have you? Thinking it through while assuming that you’re not a consultant and you clearly have done something very shifty, then it can only mean one thing…software!!!!!

Well Santa, I might have dabbled with ERP and WMS.

What’s that got to do with it Elf, we all know that ERP is Elf Relief Program and from the videos I’ve seen, C++ and Java have been noticeably absent. WMS is a new one on me that you can tell me about later – come on out with the truth Elf Gates, what’s going on?!

You may mock, Santa, but there are exciting developments particularly relevant to us that we can incorporate within our existing supply chain strategy. Through greater collaboration, sharing and green initiatives we can further reduce our carbon footprint and meet the targets set during the summit at West Thurrock. Software is just one of the elements that will help us achieve even greater things:

  • Firstly, we can now input weather information on a five minute increment and adjust our orders automatically, thereby ensuring the optimum numbers of burgers on a BBQ weekend.

  • Promotions: by using advanced automated forecasting techniques and comparisons with other promotions, we can match manufacturing capacity to demand. Our on-shelf availability will rocket and customers will be happier than ever.

  • Maximising trailer fill by double stacking and sharing transport with the Easter Bunny will enable delivery to the smaller outlets at much reduced cost.

  • Using automated delayering we can even build rainbow pallets to keep the drivers amused.

You’re making me really angry now Elf, what have you done with all the toys we’ve been making all year?

Elf Phone

Elf Phone

Well, they’ve gone to a 3PL and are all in a big shed somewhere near Leicester. But don’t worry, Santa, I’ve got it all under control. Each SKU is in a Plastic Box and these are all stacked on top of each other. When we want one of the boxes we send these auto thingy robots scuttling across the top and they use bits of string to fish for them. They’re really good at fishing you know, because they were invented in Finland! Anyway, once they’ve got the box you want they bring it over to where you’re waiting and lower it down to you with their fishing rods. I was thinking of calling it an Elfomatic, but it sounds a bit too Wallace and Gromit. The big advantage is that it’s really compact so it doesn’t cost us much to keep your chilled products at optimum temperature. It’s expandable as well so as your SKU range proliferates, we can increase the storage space and throughput as necessary. You can even find what is in stock using the app available for your ElfPhone. So Santa, all you’ve got to do now is input your order by scanning these pictures with your ElfPhone before 16:00 today and they’ll have it delivered to you by 12 noon tomorrow. You can pay using your Elfpal account as it only costs you an additional 15% that way, which means the 3PL gets at least 20% less than he should. We then use an automated boom loader, which is actually called that because of noise it makes when you turn it on, to load your sleigh in reverse drop sequence and then… off you go to first drop, as directed by the old SantaSanta sat nav, pre-programmed with all your deliveries.

What could possibly go wrong?

One Response to The Elf is back!

  1. Storm says:

    This is exctaly what I was looking for. Thanks for writing!

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